Saturday, March 27, 2010

Bangkok

Rushed to Bangkok to pick up older brother Eoin to make sure he didn't get lost in south east asia.


Made a sign and everything.

Found him.


He immediately started wearing traditional Bangkok garb,


His stupid girlfriend had broken up with him shattering his spirit,
Luckily large buckets of liquor heal broken spirits instantly and produce a condition known as "Hornybastarditis"


Buckets are also known to cause intense paranoia as illustrated here.


Went to Thai boxing match were we got the cheap seats with the locals, it was definitely a bear pit, maddness all around.



You could hear the smack of the kicks from the back of the hall, even over the shouts of the crowd.


Went to see Bangkok's Royal Palace, very nice


We saw big golden sequin statues that made Cailín crave handbags,


Doused our heads with lilies in silent prayer for those who worship false gods and not the true overlord Buddha,




were minimally disrespectful out of sight of monks,



But came out shining,




Next went to a "Floating Market" which really means places selling tat along a river for tourists because only a fool would build a real shop along a river, your only business would come from otters, floating corpses and Huckleberry Finn.

The trip there involved a terrifying ride on a boat piloted by an old lady with clearly no idea what a boat is or how she came to be driving it, there was water lapping over the side every time she made the boat lurch in dangerous and totally baffling way, she did things with that boat I didn't think were possible.



But as a bonus we did get to see the most terror filled person in the whole world ever.
See the woman with the big white hat and glasses, see her husband beside her and how they are both glazed with sweat, well we got into our row boat to go around the market only to see this pair attempt to get in a boat behind us, visibly shaking and screaming with terror she managed to put one foot in the boat before her legs gave up and stoped supporting her weight leaving her husband to lower her into the damn thing were she sat trembling for the half an hour trip.
So it was pretty much the law that we had to take a photo of them. Worth the trip alone.
Panicers!


Tokyo Driftin' the market.


Same same, same face, but different.


Next to the Tiger Temple were worryingly docile lions allowed you to touch them, sexually if you paid enough.......I hear.



Next up, "The Bridge over the river Kwi" was more than a bit excited about this but even though I have seen the film at least three times I still had to ring the parents to ask them to whistle the song when they march over the bridge.


Cailín was later to refer to the bridge as "The Bridge over the whatever", "The Bridge over Blah Blah", "The Bridge over Quasimodo", she still doesn't under stand why anyone would want to go see the bridge.


Back in Bangkok to relax with a "Fish Massage" were small fish eat dead skin from your feet. Left me screaming in agony.


I swear some were Piranhas


Got the obligatory trip in a "Tuk Tuk" only to get one who thought he was Valentino Rossi.

For those who don't know who Valentino Rossi is Shame on you, google it.


A Cannon, with a cannon, I should write for Leno,

He wishes.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Ko Phi Phi

Popped over to Ko Pi Pi for more tanning for Cailín and hiding indoors and reading for me, cursed sunburn why do you taunt me so.


Cailín had her first "bucket" here


at a Thai Boxing match where we saw children (3-4 years old) beat each other for money, cultural or what.


But at least Foyser was covering the major food groups, beer, water, whiskey and coca cola, HEALTHY!!!


Then went for a wee dance with some English tarts we met.




Saw fire limbo at the beach where a heavily inebriated young lady tried to limbo under the thing but forgot to duck thus head butting the flaming pole, falling to the ground and allowing the flaming pole to fall on her while she lay there motionless for several seconds until someone lifted the pole off her, classic.


Few days later went snorkeling,


at a rather nice spot,


where Cailín was attacked by a load of fish.


Then went to visit the beach from the film "The Beach"




Lovely spot.