Palolem (Goa)

Got out of Mumbai as soon as the trains would let us, no way we were going near a bus with the way they drive on the roads over here, it would be safer to be shot out of a cannon and hope you land on a fat person.

Cailín rocking out the train...

"Third Class mother fucker!"

Took us a while to figure out the whole "system" on the trains but we eventually got it,

Someone came by every five minutes selling some sort of food or drink and not knowing the Hindi names for anything Cailín always took a look to see what it was, this had the effect of annoying all the food sellers, they got all excited "Oh man a rich tourist is going to buy my stuff, I can charge her ten times the price and finally buy the cream for the warts on my d................oh wait, she's just fucking with me! (scratch scratch scratch)"

She got to sleep non the less, and slept like a baby. All the trains have been great actually, except one time when we upgraded to 2nd class, it was hellish, it was about five degree's Celsius for eight hours and all the while the carriage was rocking violently from side to side so it would wake you up every ten seconds.

Arrived in Goa anyway and learnt a lot of new things, including that to Hindu's the cow is so sacred that you can't even tell it to get the fuck out of your restaurant..........

They just roam the streets eating stuff and calling into restaurants who serve the best naan bread.

The whole place was full of ageing Hippies, they were everywhere, dreadlocks as old as time and seventy year old men in G-strings.

Where we were staying had a very friendly dog, I kept trying to call him over but he would just look at me blankly, then I realised he didn't speak English, so I bought him a tennis ball, he kind of understood that I think.

Cailín looking gorgeous in a great Italian restaurant we found there, we went back every night it was so good, I know it sounds stupid, getting Italian food in India, but I haven't had good Italian food in about four months!!!!!

Mumbai

INDIA!!!!!

Jealous......I know you are.

Hit the mean streets of Mumbia (Bombay) at 23:30, not a good idea in retrospect but thats when our flight came in. Got the refused from the YMCA and the YWCA because they were full and even tried the Salvation Army in desperation but to no avail, ended up staying in the only place we could find a room, paid €35 because they knew everywhere else was full and that we were screwed, and it was a shit hole even at that price, but we moved the next day to somewhere a bit nicer and cheaper but still the whole city is crazy expensive buy Indian standards, even by Asian standards, that's what the Ritz in Malaysia costs!!!

Went to old British monument called the "Gateway of India", there are a load of photographers there offering to take your photo and people selling random stuff like huge balloons so big you could fit three babies inside. A lot of blokes staring at Cailín here, like she was a sexy alien, I noticed one guy in particular having a good perv so I grabbed Cailín and went walking round the monumen, but twenty minutes later he turns up again! This time he has hired one of the photographers to take a photo of him and Cailín together, he didn't ask, he just snook up behind Cailín, Cailín with reactions of a cat managed to dodge the photo and went the photographer finally asked her to let him take a photo she told them both to feck off (I think we all know what he would be doing with the photo when he got home the dirty fecker).

The monument is right next to the "Taj Mahal" hotel which is where the Terrorists attacked and barricaded themselves in two years ago,

Cailín checked to see how much a room would be for one night, we were thinking of spoiling ourselves before we flew back to Dublin, €300-600.........maybe not.

Also went to the famous tourist café that was attacked at the same time as the Taj Mahal Hotel, complete with bullet holes, we shared a seat with a nice couple from Sweden or something, they were very nice and we got proper drunk together.

So did a load of local lads at the next table,

it was someone's birthday and as we helped shout happy birthday at them, in true Cannon tradition, they shoved chocolate cake in our faces and insisted on getting photo's taken with Cailín,

Outside there was a horse and carriage, the carriage was completely covered in tin foil, I have promised Cailín a ride before we leave for Dublin.

On the way home saw this 1920's esque steam roller rallying around a main roundabout.

Got a nice taxi driver to the train station, his dashboard was dedicated to at least five Gods, where were told all the trains to Goa were booked up for three days, looks like we'll be spending three more days in Mumbai then,

The train station was mad, staircases everywhere, people living there, people EVERYWHERE, like a pub on new years eve the whole way, took us forty minutes to find what counter we were meant to go to, counter 52.......there were at least 52 counters, all for different things, spread across three huge buildings and at least three floors, it felt like I had achieved a lifetime goal when we found it.

There happened to be a big Art festival going on down the road from us, lots of people and crazy food, the Art was nothing special though.

There was a massive bell hanging from a tree though....which was nice.

Blue Synagogue.

Big bad truck, they like to sneak up on you and blow there horn as they are passing even though they are in no danger of hitting you.

Ordered a "Sizzling Brownie"

I don't know what I expected but I got a Chocolate brownie and ice-cream on a burning hot metal plate, like when you order Fajitas somewhere fancy, except with ice-cream and baked goods......

So to sum up, it was hot, expensive and very loud, but the food was like I had always dreamed it.

Eoin Leaving,

It was at this point that Eoin had to go home like a girl.....

He said he had flights booked, but I think he was just frightened of how awesome me and the Foyser are.

In all seriousness though, we were all embarrassingly upset...we all cried like girls.

Took us a few days to get over him leaving, I just ate Mexican food and cried myself to sleep for days.

Ko Phangan

Some people, at least two anyway, would rather that photo's of the "Full Moon Party" on Ko Phenyang would not make it onto the internet but I'm not going to bow to pressure and am going to do what is good and right, I'm going to embarrass the hell out of Cailín.

First off we had to get a boat to the feckin' place,

At about the time this photo was taken we received a text from Ian, who had boarded the boat at an earlier port, that we were about to get on a "Famine ship".........

How right he was.....

Is that hundreds of people outside crammed on the deck of the ship with a hundred more to get on with us, oh splendid.

First order of business on arriving was to go to a local food fare and drink some towers of beer all the while getting Eoin a severe dose of food poisoning.

They had amazing custard doughnuts there that were still warm but thankfully these weren't the poisoned chalice as I ate every single one they had, literally, it was beautiful.

Eoin checks his weight post food poisoning,

It was around this point that we discovered through "L" that Eoin in Thai means "FAT",

Could it be any sweeter......I think not.

"Ten Dinners Eoin" became "Eoin Ten Dinners Eoin" its so simple, yet so effective.

Lynch arrived from Singapore, all that was needed to convince him was "Pint?",

God knows how he got there, the sketchy details I do know are that it involves a super expensive flight and renting a speed boat and drinking €60 bottles of Grey Goose vodka while racing over the waves with a group of randomers only to be dropped off on the wrong side of the island which meant he had to get some dodgy pick up to drag his drunken ass back around the island cause the road doesn't got through the centre of the island. I'm sure there is more to that story but fuck knows if he'll ever be able tell anyone and not have to kill them.

So with Barry, Ian, Yvonne and "L" all arrived it was time for the Full Moon Party,

We all jumped in the back of the nearest dodgy looking pick-up truck,

And goot our game faces on....

Our game faces soon turned to body painted and headbanded faces,

Yes Mother they are sandcastle buckets full of alcohol in our innocent hands, Eoin made me do it blame him.

I was personally going for the "Leroy" from the film "Fame" look.

It was at this point that these two bastards got up to no good,

Me and Foyser and been sharing a bucket between us in an attempt to stay at least partially sober for the first half of the night before sinking into oblivion.

But these two took Cailín to one side and started filling her head full of madness,

From what I can gather it went like this:

Frank- "Who wears the trousers in your relationship, You or Rob?!"

Cailín- "Eh! Me of course!!!"

Barry- "So are you going to let him dictate what you can drink"

Cailín- "Of course not!"

Frank- "Then why not come round the corner with us and have a sneaky bucket while he's not looking?"

Cailín- "Yes of course I will, that is a fantastic idea, and not only that I will drink it as fast as I can before we get back so he can't have any!!!"

Frank+Barry- Excellent, wuh hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!

Now for those of you in the know the ingredients in a "Sneaky Bucket" are

1) A shoulder of local Rum,

2) A can of local Red Bull, rumoured to have amphetamines as the secret ingredient,

3) A can of Coca Cola,

4) Some Ice,

This lead to "Sober Cailín"

Becoming "Drunk Cailín"

Becoming "Drunker Cailín"

Becoming "Drunker still Cailín"

Becoming "Painfully Drunk Cailín"

To becoming "Asleep Cailín"

"Asleep Cailín" was soon joined by "Drunk as Fuck L"

And the happy couple went to bed in each others arms,

They soon became the subject of interest alone the shoreline and small crowed gathered and dispersed over the next few hours, some taking photo's to capture the memory,

But do not despair, before things moved to the tidal line a jolly good night was had and continued to bee had by those without the surname Cannon....

After a few hours me and Eoin managed to drag them off the beach and into another dodgy pick up truck with everyone else following us in a zig zag sort of a way,

Cailín seemed to really perk up in the pick up and even inquired if we were going to go for another drink........bless her, always a champ.

Meanwhile me and Eoin were finally managing to get a decent drink because had come to the pick up prepared with a bucket full vodka and other liquids,

On arriving back at our room I took a photo which just by luck corresponded with another photo I had taken that night giving me the perfect.........

Before:

After:

What a difference six and a half hours makes.

The next night we forced everyone to sit on the beach and drink next to a coconut fire, mainly so me and Eoin could finally get drunk,

As the crowd petered out only me Eoin and Lynch were left,

slightly bored we began playing with Eoin's new camera which let you put on a time delay so you could write with fire in the night sky,

Rob

"Bar"

Eoin

Then Eoin realised if we used a stronger light we could write better,

So using the light from his phone he drew......we'll what does Eoin always draw given a piece of paper and a pen,

With further experimentation he actually managed to draw veins on it by covering the light with his finger, talent wasted in my opinion......

Barry writing "I "heart" Thai"

Then it was discovered that by shining the bright light at us and moving very quickly we could be in the photo twice soooooo........MOM DON'T LOOK AT THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In other news Ko Phenyang has a hilariously named Pharmacy,

Modelling shot,