Bogota

Too Right!!

Land of the smiling happy people.
Well its also the land of cocaine production and and violent crime but you wouldn't know it from looking at the lovely people on the streets.


On the first night I was sitting in the hostel I hear a loud BANG, I though its just a firework or something, no worries. It was in fact a gunshot, my first real gunshot!, apparently some guy stole a local girls purse so some local chaps chased him while one of them pulled out a gun and shot in the air to scare him, so he wasn't trying to kill him but still!. They caught the guy and kicked the snot out of him so all that ends well. The next night some guys got mugged at knife point but they were drunk as fuck trying to buy drugs at 2am so I don't blame the Colombians I blame the stupid gringo's.


We actually found Colombia very cultured compared to Brazil,

We found this small museum in Bogotá, not even the national museum, and they had an Andy Warhol exhibit on,
They wouldn't let us take photo's so we recreated the exhibit outside, Cailín is kissing Karl Marx.



And a permanent exhibit of really good stuff,
A Salvidor Dali (below), about 5 Picaso's and a load of other modern and old masters




But Cailín's favourite was a Colomian artist called Botero,
He does versions of famous paintings were everyone is fat,



This was Cailín's favourite. She said "the bums is so cute, I just want to squeeze it"


Two bums carved in stone.

Cailín wins.

Went up to the mountain overlooking Bogotá called Monserrate
There was a train up there which went up a 45º slope which made Cailín very very nervous.
"oh God Rob, I think I'm having a heart attack. Quick take my pulse........am I having a heart attack, oh my God WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE"

She got up there in the end, heart attack and all,

I got up there too but managed to look much sexier.

Not a bad view.
They have a Jesus in Bogotá like in Rio de Janeiro, but its less than half the size. I was all excited about seeing but found out when we got up we had gone up the wrong mountain, shit.
Met a crazy German in Bogotá called Sebastian, he is a hardcore legend.
Even though he is in Bogotá, a city renowned for its violence and danger when a drug dealer comes up to him and asks him if he wants to buy drugs he says "No but do you want to come for a pint?" and so he goes for a drink with a Colombian drug dealer, had a great chat with him apparently, about how all foreigners come to Colombia for is drugs and prostitutes. Well I suppose it seams that way to all drug dealing pimps.
Sebastian will talk to anyone but it turned out he was right to not be afraid, he contacted us a few weeks ago to let us know he had been robbed, by an IRISH person!. what fuckers we really are, the guy stole his €15 Argos mp3 player.
Tried a beer and cola mixed drink, it tasted like the label looks.

Sebastian taught us a game he brought from Germany called Wizards,

Brilliant game but at least four of the cards had either transvestites or weird masked ladies not wearing very much,
Germans are weird.
Lit a fire in a small wood stove as the hostel was freezing, twenty minutes later some English bloke saunters in and stuffs about four newspapers into it saying "this will help it along!" the whole thing starts spitting spitting out smoke and ash all over the place at which point he quietly wanders out of the room leaving us coughing with eyes burning from the smoke.
How very English of him though don't you think,
1) Come in saying he knows how it should be done.
2) Fucks everything
3) Leaves.

Cailín bought me toothbrush covers with suction-cups on them for my birthday and accidentally discovered a new skill.

One morning I was rudely waken by Cailín running into the room screaming at me to get up, I responded slowly which resulted in a raising of pitch. Screams of "My Foot, My Foot" were heard through out the hostel, had a look at said foot, "Is it cancer?!.....Is it a haemorrhoid......Is it a euphemism......Is it a hernia.........Is it?!"
Turns out it was a tick, must have been there since the jungle having a good feed.
Of course once she knew what it was she insisted on a photo. The pervert.
Cailín has forbidden me from putting pictures of cars up on this blog so here is a picture of a truck,
come on, look at it, how is that not cool


Freedom of speech Cailín.
Freedom of fucking speech!

Mad people wearing face masks on planes these days. Just stops them spreading their shite to me so thank you very much for wearing the mask you freak.