Salkantay

This is the story of our trek form Cusco to Machu Pichu (Old mountain) along a trail known a Salcantay (Wild Mountain), because it goes over the Salcantay Mountain pass and follows the Urubamaba river from its source to where it passes Machu Pichu. Its the reason this Inca statue is laughing at me,

Day One:
Got a bus to a small town where the trek was to begin, sat beside a Canadian called Paul who I assume is a "sleep ninja" because he slept through some of the bumpest roads and the smelliest farts I've ever experienced and a Brazilian called Gustavo who mumbled death metal songs into his scarf the whole journey.

When we reached the town we met this dog,

I say met but we really just skirted around him and avoided eye contact. The funniest thing about this completely bald dog wearing a jumper is not that he is wearing a jumper, or that he is bald, or that he had only one eye, but that according to his owner he was the "good dog" the bad dog was the other one which was nowhere to be seen.

This was our guide Juan Carlos, a great guy and a great guide, and rumour has it a great bare knuckle boxer.

So off we went on our 75km trek,

Queue lots of pictures of very very big mountains (the Andes)

Look at her so full of hope and high spirits, little did she know.

This was where we camped and the wind that came down off that mountain was freezing
We were going between that mountain in the back and a bigger one, Salkantay, that is hidden by the mountain on the right.
And so we slept here and froze our asses off all night, shivering and cursing.
The others later told us that it was this night that while everyone was going to sleep they heard Cailín scream "I DON'T EVEN WANT TO BE HERE!"

On the second day she rose again according to the scriptures,
and woe she was bloated and nauseated,
'Twas the altitude sickness and it was the scariest thing I have ever seen, "is my face swollen Rob" ".........maybe"

dear god...

Off we tramped around the right of this mountain and up the pass.

Cailín was so sick that she had to take a mule up the pass. She really was very very sick.

Doesn't she look like Gandolf
"Thou shalt not PASS!!"

So I grabbed the horses face rope and started leading it up the mountain, "Mula" I screamed (mule in native andean gibber), there was little response from what Cailín quickly named "Psycho the mule".

onward and upward,

This is a look back from where we had come at the halfway point,

This a look forward from the halfway point, up that icy slope for what the guide said would take 45-50 minutes.

We did it in 15mins because...

It was at this point when we were feeling quite tired a guy from Stoneybatter
who had recognised Cailín earlier and had been making sly comments
about our speed walked by us while we were having a snack and said
"having a bit of a rest eh?, yeah it is bit tough, anyway see you at
the top!"............note to self beat this smarmy bastard to the top or die
trying.

While he walked on we sat around taking photos and eating not wanting to raise Cailín's suspicions as I knew she wouldn't be on for it, so I sat around until Cailín felt up to it (she really was very very sick) and then we were off,
I screamed at the horse and pulled it as hard as I could, demanding that it submit to my will, I'm sure I violated some sort of animal rights bill but I didn't care, I could taste blood even if psycho couldn't,
Then I spotted him in the distance, we steamed up with Cailín begging me to slow down because she was feeling sick, I didn't care I must catch him, we passed a large group and then I spotted the summit, I must catch him before we get to the summit. At this stage me and psycho had struck an arrangement, he keeps walking and I stop shouting at him, he was even starting to run at some points and I had to keep up with him. We finally we closed in on Stoneybatter man and when I was three feet behind him turned around and I saw it was this Swiss mountain climber guy from our group, I had already passed Stoneybatter man!, he was in that large group we had passed, I skipped to the summit passed swiss loser and screamed with glee when we got there.

VICTORY!!!!

From the left:
Two Israel's Ahmed and Or, then Brazilian crazy man Gustavo, then Swiss scabby bastard mad-dog Michelle, hunkering down is Canadian Paul, the quickest man in the group,he was also the most stoned, he smoked for the whole trip and then took mushrooms with Gustavo in Machu Pichu, next is the Austrian couple Barbara and Martin, Martin was a sounder Barbara was not, she was a typical snotty trainee Doctor, there are exceptions though Dad. on the bottom is Petrovich he was a crazy Bosnian composer who taught in a university in Belgrade, he took his shoes off when ever we'd stop for a rest''to get the energy of the earth'', he was a bit like Pauric for those who know him.

View from the top looking back on where we came from. Psycho looking like he's about to attack me.

A look at Salcantay mountain, you need to tilt your head, Look at the glacier in bottom left.

We were the first to the top. The most depressing thing was when we reached the top, all proud we got all the way up there through the ice and snow, was that there was a very old lady selling hats and gloves.

Close up of the Glacier

This is Rolando, the cooks son, he is 14 and he standing on a rock, he was very small. on the way up he sprinted by me.

Doesn't he look terrified.

A look from the top down to where we were going, see down on the left the change to jungle like vegetation.

I little bit further down.

Day 3:
On the third day she rose again according to the scriptures, and yay she was less bloated, but still gassy.

Having left Psych at the top of the pass Cailín started to feel better on the way down due to the decrease in altitude, she popped on her walk-man and started at the air guitar.

then the camera had problems picking her up and since a camera works based on light I have concluded that she was moving faster that light.

Looking pissed off cause she had to stand still for a photo.

Found this cool cave under a rock where someone has built a house, mad mountain men.

These are some of the horses that carried our tents and the like.

That night we went to some hotsprings and we were clean again for the first time in five days (I hadn't wash in two days when we left)

after dinner we were entertained by a Peruvian pipe band, the drummers had doubled as a basket to collect money, they were crap.

On the Fourth day according to the scripture she was fully back to normal, and yay the angels did sing in celebration.

Herw is Cailín doing here best Tom Cruise in top gun impression and me doing my Mother Teresa Impression.

we walked along a long valley following the river until we reached
these train tracks which we followed to Aguas Caliente a small very
expensive town atthe base of Machu Pichu mountain.

On the fifth and final time we rose at 3:30am in accordance with the scriptures as outlined by Juan Carlos in his letter to the lazy Gringos.

We had to get up so early so we could get one of the four hundred tickets that let you climb Wyna Pichu and thus have the best view of Machu Pichu. So up we got nice and early to avoid the wraith of Juan Carlos and began to climb the hundreds of steps up to Machu Pichu hours before the dawn.

And what a relief it was to finally reach Machu Pichu!!

We started off with a wonderful talk by Juan Carlos on the whole history of the Incan Civilisation, he picked a brilliant spot for the talk because behind him Machu Pichu kept popping in and out of the clouds which enveloped the mountain making the hairs stand up on the back of my neck as if he was telling us ghost stories

Machu Pichu appears from out of the clouds

A look at Wyna Pichu which we had gotten up so early to get the ticket that allows us to climb it.

Well worth it for this view

Cailín had no problem getting up the sheer drops and tiny slippy steps to Wyna Pichu's summit, it was just that when she got the she realised, in her own words "why the fuck did I even come up here, I'm terrified of heights" I think being forced to look down the sheer drops and tiny slippy steps on the way down was what did it, she got a bit scared, so much so she decided to take the few hundred steps down on her bum,

at one point one of the park rangers came over to help her down much to my amusment, photos were taken,

It took 35 minutesto get up the mountain and 1hour 30 minutes to get down it, but I love her because she did it anyway, as she said the first night she didn't even want to be here, it was all my idea but she did it all the same and she ended up loving it, I'm so proud of her.

Back down on more stable group at the base of Wyna Pichu

Tilt your head a bit

This is the Inca Leader's toilet, the only one in Machu Pichu, where did all the poo go, no one knows, it might have been majic poo.

Look at this shoddy workmanship, none of these bricks have even sides, Martin Cannon will be informed of this.

Cailín loved Machu Pichu

A lot

But then she grew tired of its charms so decided to destroy it so it would exist forever only in our minds, and blogs

Random photo of a Canadian called Curtis molesting a llama.

On way Back freaked the shit out of a group of French on the train,
Cailín tried to say "If my French teacher could see me now she would die"
What she actually said was

"I watched my French teacher die"!!!!!!

Just one of the reasons the girl beside me looks freaked out.

Back in Cusco we went to our first ever Irish pub, and its apparently the highest in the world, take that Johnny Foxes,

On the way there we had spotted this dog who had climbed a huge pile of soil to go to the toilet as if to exhibit the event, not only that, he had worn his best jumper to do it, owner is not pictured as she had swiftly moved away so as not to steal the spotlight from her exhibitionist dog.

In the pub Gustavo and Paul admitted to taking a local concoction called San Pedro, made from a Cactus .The drink is a mild hallucinogenic, the effects of which have been documented but the nights series of photos, keep an eye on Paul, looks fine doesn't he,